RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP with Dr. Patty Durath Cooper
- What makes a relationship perfect?
The perfect relationship has a good balance between the bed and the other aspects of the everyday life. It is true that the bed isn’t all, but without passion in bed there isn’t any glue to keep the relationship together.
The bed sets the tone of the relation as well as the well being of the couple.
Simply because as humans we don’t have a wide range of ways to express basic love to someone.
Like a mother to a child, the first form of comfort is the warmth of an embrace and the consequent feeling of protection and nurture that derives from this simple act.
In a mature relationship, loving sex between the partners involved, has the same comforting aim: to reassure the partners about the depth, the intensity, the integrity, the future of the relationship.
The feeling of not being loved is just the beginning of the end, in the majority of the cases it is a very precise signal of non-delivery and it paves the way to a range of emotions, all of them expressing discomfort, anxiety, restlessness. The subject feels disconnected and unsatisfied, not only with regard to the relationship, but to their attitude towards life. And the more the non-delivering partner tries to reassure them, the more persistent the feeling resurfaces. Love in itself is felt and not explained. This is because our precious INSTINCT perceives the state of the art of whatever relationship, and it has its own signals to inform us about the result of its evaluation.
In other words, no one can be sure of being loved, but one can be SURE of their FEELINGS of being loved. The feelings of love are mirrored in tender sex, that has the function to make the subject feeling nurtured and attended, and stimulates the release of oxytocin: the hormone of the late pregnancy and the long term relationship.
Both of them are states of vulnerability, that have to be mended with a large imput of oxytocin’s release to avoid disruptions.
In practice: the right degree of vicinity between the partners supports feelings of reassurance and attendance which constitute a solid base for whatever form of relationship. This is why long distance relationships have very few chances to survive.
Some practical suggestions.
Always take into consideration your true feelings, you may not be in the know, but your feelings are.
Once you are blessed with the unexpected luck to fall in love, keep in mind that this is something you have to take care every single day, and it cannot never be taken for granted. When good habits kick in, like the frequent touching and frequent tender sex, the doors to happiness and serenity are open. Without a doubt, this is what every single human being needs.
Nothing else but a warm touch we have to love and feel loved
